Driving home in the dark I see the movement of cows in the field near the road I’m on. They are trotting, if that’s what cows do, heading somewhere as a herd. The high beam light from my car bounces off their eyes making the scene eerie. I smile and feel a sense of the freedom they must have running in the dark. Freedom and I’m sure fear. I saw a little gray wolf on that very same stretch of road not long ago.
But that’s the thing about freedom, isn’t it? Or at least the freedom that exists within the confines of a large fenced in area; or the borders of a country. True freedom comes with a heaping spoonful of fear. It requires us to be accountable for ourselves and learn to make it in this big, bad world…and we won’t always know what is ahead of us as we run into the darkness.
My little Subaru hugs the serpentine road and I admire the beauty of the stone and red wood barn that is now familiar to me as I speed by. It is so beautifully lit up at night. I wonder if any children are lucky enough to live there and enjoy the magic. I think about my own son, who often comments on how much he loves living in the country, and that he enjoys the peace and the quiet. Will he always love it or will he need to roam and feel his freedom? But I push that thought away. He is too young for me to think of such things.
Back home I unload the groceries and put them away. Firm fresh red apples, bananas that need to ripen, grass fed ground beef with the highest percentage of fat, bright green onions, a few small yellow onions, a jar of marinara, hickory smoked bacon, a three pound bag of sweet potatoes, rotisserie chicken, and a bag of frozen bean and cheese burritos for good measure. The house still smells like a five star restaurant after the steak dinner Mark made a few hours ago and it is quiet, Fox is asleep.
In the bedroom I change into ultra soft sweatpants and an old henley worn thin. It’s time for a few Yum Earth pops. I find a playlist on Spotify called Dark and Hauntingly Beautiful Classical and turn it on. I’m not ready to let go of the eerieness. Let’s hold onto that mood just a little longer; that freedom in the night.