All of the clichés about God changing your life once you hand everything over to him are true. I’m most astonished at the strengthening of my marriage and the softening of my heart. I’m not sure exactly how I expected to see God working through me when I picked up my bible in December of 2020 and began reading in earnest. I just knew that God was calling me and I was eager to answer.
I had asked Mark to buy me a bible as a Christmas gift. I had been seeing Candace Cameron Bure promote her devotional bible on Instagram and I decided it would be a good one to start with. I am still using it for my daily bible study. I started reading it on Christmas Day that year and haven’t looked back. Just a few months later I found myself looking for a church and was led to a cowboy church. The first time I drove the twenty minutes to get there Fox came along. We enjoyed it so much that we decided to go back the next week. I was surprised that Mark wanted to join us. He had made comments in the past about not being interested in church. But wouldn’t you know that he is the one who loves the cowboy church the most. God was calling our family, and that summer we were baptized in the river.
I’ve come to realize that for most of my life Satan was steering the ship. Sure, “Jesus was my homeboy” and I considered myself a very spiritual person, but I was trapped in the endless loop of the New Age. Law of Attraction, feminism, studying Goddess archetypes, witchcraft, shamanism, Buddhism, Bhakti yoga, astrology etc etc etc. I had been digesting the literature from a well stocked New Age bookstore for more than twenty years. And after all of that study and seeking, I was still looking for answers. I was never satisfied; and now I know why. It was all empty filler. None of it truth. Maybe a little truth adjacent, but completely off the mark.
When I think of all the excuses I made up over the years for why Christianity wasn’t for me, it just seems so ridiculous now. It was really just my ego demanding a feeling of individuality, of being unique, different from everyone else in my community. I wanted to be exotic, worldly, wise and mysterious. It was all about me. I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of giving up the world. No, no. I wanted to immerse myself in the world and the New Age gave me book after book explaining why that was a good thing. The Universe replaced God. Self love was prized. There was no Satan or hell. Just love and striving to reach higher states of consciousness. Manifesting your hearts desire was possible with the right way of thinking. There was no need for God.
But the trouble was that I always have believed in a higher power. I believed that God created the Universe. I guess those lessons at the old Baptist church when I was a child stuck, because when the going got tough, I found myself praying to God. The one the Christians worship.
Within such a short amount of time God has revealed so much to me and I have been completely open to changing every aspect of my life. And so has Mark! It’s truly unbelievable. How could two people be so willing to change the course of their lives overnight, together? Through God’s will. That’s how. I might have been tempted to think Mark was just doing as I was to appease me, but it is obvious to anyone who looks that his walk with Christ is genuine and has nothing to do with me.
I read recently that we don’t choose when to follow God. We choose when to answer his call. He is as close to you as the tip of your nose. If only you would reach out and accept his gift of salvation.