There is a certain artistic expression that I accomplish from time to time. An eclectic arrangement of art on the wall, a combination of patterns and textures piled on a chair, sometimes an outfit, or something I write. When it happens organically, without any outside influence; that’s when I can feel myself tapping into the true essence of my soul. After I have created something in this way, I can step aside and view it. I can see my authenticity in these arrangements. It’s less about what I am arranging, and more about meeting my senses with a pleasing visual. That means certain spacing, color grouping, and layering of textures that are unique to my preferences. This is what I call art.
I can’t live in that headspace all of the time. So often I find myself in survival mode, wondering if everyone else is doing the same. I have limited settings. But maybe creating is always running silently in the background. When Mark and I watch movies, instead of looking at the faces of the actors, I am looking at the set and the props. I can tell you about the wardrobe but not what the people look like. I study the scene for how it was arranged. Where are they standing and why?
I’ve always wished I could arrange the visuals for my very own horror movie. I’ve studied sets and the emotions they invoke with such a critical eye that I’ve come up with my own ideas about how to do a real horror. Not because I want to give the world horror, but more that I know the perfect way to arrange it.
I have heightened sensory perception. I get overloaded quickly if immersed in a lot of sounds, my eyes are photosensitive, I get anxious at dinner parties, I have super hero level smelling. It’s a gift and a challenge. But I know it’s why I create the particular way that I do.
Sometimes I can see it in something I didn’t have a hand in. Those are truly wonderful moments. Last week I caught the sun at setting. It was already on the horizon, the most spaghetti western psychedelic orange with a black sky looming above, the two contrasting colors divided by a band of cadet blue. I thought to myself, “That’s exactly how I would arrange it.”