Late Summer

The past two days have brought cooler nights and mornings. The river birch in the front yard is already beginning to let go of a few leaves and the impatiens are showing less flowers.

The urge to harvest and dry herbs from the garden is pressing. Here in Missouri we often see an Indian summer but it’s good to do a big harvest in August just in case things begin to turn early in September.

This is the month I plan and purchase a new Fall /Winter wardrobe for my son and buy the new supplies he will need for the school year; but time feels like it is standing still in 2020 and I haven’t decided how the rest of the year is going to look.

Still deep in grief over my father’s death, I can’t make the important decision of keeping Fox in school or pulling him out this year. I can hardly imagine sending him into a building everyday where he has to have a mask over his mouth and nose, yet I know how hard being away from his friends has been. I don’t know how many more months of only playing with mom and dad he can take. It feels like someone hit the pause button and I am frozen. Incapable of deciding what is best.

The thoughts churning in my mind go way beyond if it is safe to go to school because of the coronavirus. The virus was just the fire that burned away all the bullshit that doesn’t really matter. Now I watch as the country becomes divided and increasingly violent and I am reprioritizing everything. I know it’s an election year and a lot of this drama will pass by early next year, but it feels different. The energy of humanity has shifted.

The waning of this Summer is a door permanently closing. I will enter my first Fall without my father. His matter of fact nature always brought my anxious personality so much comfort. The dark half of the year is going to be hard.

Will I also be taking over my child’s education? Right now I am just busying my hands with the harvest and hoping for guidance from the spirits.

Have you already decided what Fall and Winter will bring? How has Covid-19 and all that 2020 has brought with it changed you?

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